Learn Nothing

Somewhere there’s a fire burning
somewhere there are wedding bells ringing
everywhere else nobody was paying attention.

I’m having visions of a bed where no one sleeps
close my eyes, vast oblivion consumes my mind
for a second it doesn’t matter what anything means.

Open up my eyelids
Welcome back chaotic
Hard to believe anyone could get enough of this
Been long enough now,
guess I’ll never wise up.

Listlessly Looking For Nothing In Particular

nothing to look for
nowhere to look
curiosity can’t kill the indifferent

searching is pointless
a void can’t be found
the absence of something is just that

welcome back
listlessly looking for nothing in particular

leaving most stones unturned
effortlessly foraging
unsure of my expectations
and so much more

there’s a plethora of things
never meant to be found
a lot of the time
it’s just better not to know

there are things that can’t be unlearned
but no ones knows until it’s too late

Boxed In

Time reclaims its grip tightly again
Follow the path for long enough,
tracing all its bends,
then deal with the relapse when it comes.
All the answers are locked behind the same wall,
all hidden in the same box
Can’t help but wonder who has the key
There’s got to be a way to manipulate these things.
Pulling the curtain might be the last thing I want to do
(leave it all out in the open)
The freshest air always gets tainted
The best of all timing always gets wasted
This feels like an experiment gone wrong
Sometimes things just go awry,
not every single bird knows how to fly.
‘Get me the hell out of here,’ I’m always thinking
Then what am I doing always coming back
I’m trying to get the hell out
bags are already packed
There’s a box waiting for me and you and you
and all of us
I had no premonition to prevent this
but even if I had,
I never would’ve learned then
Unlocked the box with all the answers
I should’ve burned instead.

Terse/Mordant

If you can bet on it then it’s probably rigged
Every description’s cautiously vivid
Follow the program becoming toxically rigid
Bothered by thoughts hauntingly cryptic

Smothering logic by feeling irrational
Rock bottom starts seeming manageable
Ignorant of the cost,
Knocking on the doorstop leaping down another rabbit hole
Just another lost cause
Stop trying to fix the process, just for once be fucking rational. 

Howl of Desperation

Somehow all the right trees are uprooted at the wrong time
We all feel the ground beneath us shaking
Wonder if we have things that need disconnecting, too
But the ways we learn begin to be so painstaking
How could anything of value grow in this place?

Search for something solid,
what’s real all fades away.
There’s no high left to chase
We run and hide, we run and hide,
but nothing seems to change.

The warning signs all wail
Desperate not to become a waif
Desperate not to become a waste
Desperate is all we’ve come to stay
Desperation coming in droves makes it hard to create.

We’ve reached rock bottom so things can only get better – or more obscure – 
of that, we’ll make damn sure
Circling back, surfers find the shore
Circling back, search for nothing more
Circling back, desperate for a cure
Circling back, this window I’ve climbed through is nothing but a detour.
So what’s the allure? What’s the allure?

We’re all out here looking for something we cannot escape,
What I thought was a garden was just a nest full of snakes. 

Insanity

Do all you can to relax,

take deep breaths, 

take your time, 

take things slow

It may still seem impossible 

But daydreams make it feel logical 

Sharp snap back to reality, 

and the smog covers over 

can’t see to the other side 

You can only wait it out and know that you’ll survive 

no matter how long it takes 

these things come to pass 

You could wait and flip and flip the hourglass

Everything is rarely clearly revealed 

It’s all a guessing game and putting faith in something that may not be real

Play the game for keeps 

and keep all the leverage you can get 

Try to figure out existence 

but the purpose, I can’t guess 

What if we can’t nail it down 

Until we do we will wander around aimless 

I watch the dial spinning on my moral compass

Money, sex, love, success, or happiness, 

the dial’s out of control

And if there is an afterlife, well how am I to know

I can only find out whenever I die 

Or I’ll wait to find what cross I am nailed to

Do I have a cause I would wear a crown of thorns for 

Sometimes I am lost I would die to find something to carry on my back 
But I just can’t 

no matter how much I search, 

I’m like a foot soldier who’s lost the battle and the war 

And so much more

And so much less simultaneously 

And my opus I’m still writing in an untimely manner – of course – 

I don’t know what’s the matter anymore 

Tired of this illusion 

Tired of this confusion 

Tired of this constant state of bemusement

Tired of uncertainty, 

give me a foregone conclusion

I won’t search anymore I’m too exhausted for any movement 

If someone wants or needs me they can prove it –

even if I won’t believe it’s true or absolute 

because trusting anyone is too hard to do – 

I’ll set up my defense mechanisms once it’s too late 

Serving a sentence for my own carelessness

I’ll care too much and then give up 

But sometimes all the doors are closed

and no one opens up a window 

Getting in is sometimes just as hard as getting out 

There is nothing that makes sense here 

My mind is troubled by endless doubt.  

Evil In, Evil Out

Put evil in and get evil out 

Can’t recognize your reflection now

Eat your goddamn heart out, take a bow, 

Listen to your fucking ocean sounds. 

You can’t sleep your problems away 

Instead, all night just dig your own grave 

So tough it out or writhe in pain 

There are things that just can’t be saved.

But what else is there to say? 

The game is rigged so don’t play, 

Hearing the same things repeated gets tiring 

Beat the same horse to death then keep on riding, 

Get the fuck out of your head 

before you can’t anymore. 

Mostly you deal with all you can, 

then give up when you’ve had enough

The cards will just fall where they may 

Nothing else to do besides sit and wait 

Passing the time becomes harder with age

Trying is nothing but a pain in the ass

Sleeping through all of the hours I shouldn’t be

Keeping my head on straight becomes impossible

After long enough, I know this makes no sense

Count your change – not your blessings – you’re still flat broke. 

Confusion

what the fuck is this 

can’t make sense of anything 

just got lost again 

rabbitHole

Rabbit goes back down his hole,

He’ll be down there for awhile,

Long, long, long dark winter

swallows up his soul.

“Too damn cold to leave here,”

“If I leave I’ll get sick,”

“I know I should eat carrots,”

“but I don’t want to move.”

Easter won’t come this year,

Rabbit’s stuck in his hole,

He lost his cotton tail,

all his eggs disappeared.

“Bit off a whole lot more,”

“than I could ever chew,”

“I can beat this hole still,”

“and beat that tortoise too.”

He sits in that hole all day,

and just nods his head,

No one can block his hole off,

he always finds his way.

Finally comes out and up,

Gets a glimpse of the sun,

He was cold and shaking,

and he had grown real thin,

No one could keep him warm,

One day outside of his hole,

that was enough for him.

So Rabbit climbed back in his hole,

all the way down,

It was black as a coal,

no one saw him again.

Bottomless Cup

Caught on to how everything is temporary, 

From conceited narcissist 

to humble and self-deprecating, 

There’s a place where doing nothing 

blends into overcompensation. 

The luxury of being stuck in the middle is

not being stuck at all, 

Getting out is as easy as saying, “Left or Right,”

“Yes or No,”

Giving Up or Deciding to Fight. 

Leaving the top is a painful comedown, 

and leaving the bottom is a challenge,

Dropping from the top is rarely intentional

and climbing from the bottom takes all this time and effort 

So I choose this deep in between

where I can determine on my own what everything means.