Again

I bite off more than I can chew
again
and again,
The cycle doomed to repeat itself until I’m dead.
My plate is overflowing
I don’t think I can eat it all
Gotta hurry up, the second course is coming
An extra side dish I didn’t order is sent
again, And again,
I want to starve, the turkey’s carved
I’m not a fat cat, they keep filling my plate up
Looking for a new way to say,

I think I’ve had enough
I’m fed up again.
Can’t do the impossible
Can’t drown in the desert
Can’t drain a stone of a drop of blood
Working on accepting what I can’t change
I’m stuck in the mud,
again.
It’s alright (it’s alright)
There are burdens I’ll learn to deal with
Time will teach me to conquer them, again,
Then time will conquer me someday (Time conquers all)
Time heals and kills
again and again.

Howl of Desperation

Somehow all the right trees are uprooted at the wrong time
We all feel the ground beneath us shaking
Wonder if we have things that need disconnecting, too
But the ways we learn begin to be so painstaking
How could anything of value grow in this place?

Search for something solid,
what’s real all fades away.
There’s no high left to chase
We run and hide, we run and hide,
but nothing seems to change.

The warning signs all wail
Desperate not to become a waif
Desperate not to become a waste
Desperate is all we’ve come to stay
Desperation coming in droves makes it hard to create.

We’ve reached rock bottom so things can only get better – or more obscure – 
of that, we’ll make damn sure
Circling back, surfers find the shore
Circling back, search for nothing more
Circling back, desperate for a cure
Circling back, this window I’ve climbed through is nothing but a detour.
So what’s the allure? What’s the allure?

We’re all out here looking for something we cannot escape,
What I thought was a garden was just a nest full of snakes. 

Insanity

Do all you can to relax,

take deep breaths, 

take your time, 

take things slow

It may still seem impossible 

But daydreams make it feel logical 

Sharp snap back to reality, 

and the smog covers over 

can’t see to the other side 

You can only wait it out and know that you’ll survive 

no matter how long it takes 

these things come to pass 

You could wait and flip and flip the hourglass

Everything is rarely clearly revealed 

It’s all a guessing game and putting faith in something that may not be real

Play the game for keeps 

and keep all the leverage you can get 

Try to figure out existence 

but the purpose, I can’t guess 

What if we can’t nail it down 

Until we do we will wander around aimless 

I watch the dial spinning on my moral compass

Money, sex, love, success, or happiness, 

the dial’s out of control

And if there is an afterlife, well how am I to know

I can only find out whenever I die 

Or I’ll wait to find what cross I am nailed to

Do I have a cause I would wear a crown of thorns for 

Sometimes I am lost I would die to find something to carry on my back 
But I just can’t 

no matter how much I search, 

I’m like a foot soldier who’s lost the battle and the war 

And so much more

And so much less simultaneously 

And my opus I’m still writing in an untimely manner – of course – 

I don’t know what’s the matter anymore 

Tired of this illusion 

Tired of this confusion 

Tired of this constant state of bemusement

Tired of uncertainty, 

give me a foregone conclusion

I won’t search anymore I’m too exhausted for any movement 

If someone wants or needs me they can prove it –

even if I won’t believe it’s true or absolute 

because trusting anyone is too hard to do – 

I’ll set up my defense mechanisms once it’s too late 

Serving a sentence for my own carelessness

I’ll care too much and then give up 

But sometimes all the doors are closed

and no one opens up a window 

Getting in is sometimes just as hard as getting out 

There is nothing that makes sense here 

My mind is troubled by endless doubt.