Either

Lean into the wind

head-first, dive into the water

when you can’t see the bottom,

you can’t see the top

either

idiotic or genius, choose for yourself

how your actions should be perceived

is your own decision

the best or most harmful?

Can these be one in the same?

/
 Genius

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Howl of Desperation

Somehow all the right trees are uprooted at the wrong time
We all feel the ground beneath us shaking
Wonder if we have things that need disconnecting, too
But the ways we learn begin to be so painstaking
How could anything of value grow in this place?

Search for something solid,
what’s real all fades away.
There’s no high left to chase
We run and hide, we run and hide,
but nothing seems to change.

The warning signs all wail
Desperate not to become a waif
Desperate not to become a waste
Desperate is all we’ve come to stay
Desperation coming in droves makes it hard to create.

We’ve reached rock bottom so things can only get better – or more obscure – 
of that, we’ll make damn sure
Circling back, surfers find the shore
Circling back, search for nothing more
Circling back, desperate for a cure
Circling back, this window I’ve climbed through is nothing but a detour.
So what’s the allure? What’s the allure?

We’re all out here looking for something we cannot escape,
What I thought was a garden was just a nest full of snakes. 

Insanity

Do all you can to relax,

take deep breaths, 

take your time, 

take things slow

It may still seem impossible 

But daydreams make it feel logical 

Sharp snap back to reality, 

and the smog covers over 

can’t see to the other side 

You can only wait it out and know that you’ll survive 

no matter how long it takes 

these things come to pass 

You could wait and flip and flip the hourglass

Everything is rarely clearly revealed 

It’s all a guessing game and putting faith in something that may not be real

Play the game for keeps 

and keep all the leverage you can get 

Try to figure out existence 

but the purpose, I can’t guess 

What if we can’t nail it down 

Until we do we will wander around aimless 

I watch the dial spinning on my moral compass

Money, sex, love, success, or happiness, 

the dial’s out of control

And if there is an afterlife, well how am I to know

I can only find out whenever I die 

Or I’ll wait to find what cross I am nailed to

Do I have a cause I would wear a crown of thorns for 

Sometimes I am lost I would die to find something to carry on my back 
But I just can’t 

no matter how much I search, 

I’m like a foot soldier who’s lost the battle and the war 

And so much more

And so much less simultaneously 

And my opus I’m still writing in an untimely manner – of course – 

I don’t know what’s the matter anymore 

Tired of this illusion 

Tired of this confusion 

Tired of this constant state of bemusement

Tired of uncertainty, 

give me a foregone conclusion

I won’t search anymore I’m too exhausted for any movement 

If someone wants or needs me they can prove it –

even if I won’t believe it’s true or absolute 

because trusting anyone is too hard to do – 

I’ll set up my defense mechanisms once it’s too late 

Serving a sentence for my own carelessness

I’ll care too much and then give up 

But sometimes all the doors are closed

and no one opens up a window 

Getting in is sometimes just as hard as getting out 

There is nothing that makes sense here 

My mind is troubled by endless doubt.  

Evil In, Evil Out

Put evil in and get evil out 

Can’t recognize your reflection now

Eat your goddamn heart out, take a bow, 

Listen to your fucking ocean sounds. 

You can’t sleep your problems away 

Instead, all night just dig your own grave 

So tough it out or writhe in pain 

There are things that just can’t be saved.

But what else is there to say? 

The game is rigged so don’t play, 

Hearing the same things repeated gets tiring 

Beat the same horse to death then keep on riding, 

Get the fuck out of your head 

before you can’t anymore. 

Mostly you deal with all you can, 

then give up when you’ve had enough

The cards will just fall where they may 

Nothing else to do besides sit and wait 

Passing the time becomes harder with age

Trying is nothing but a pain in the ass

Sleeping through all of the hours I shouldn’t be

Keeping my head on straight becomes impossible

After long enough, I know this makes no sense

Count your change – not your blessings – you’re still flat broke. 

Bath

Stuck somewhere losing his mind 
The architect of his own demise

He sits and waits and waits some more,

looking for more time to kill

Time stands still 

He watches hell unfold from inside his window sill 

There’s a chill that washes over his bones

for a second thinking that he’s all alone 

“Here I thought I was unique,”

We all learn that we aren’t after plugging so many leaks

Thinkin’ ’bout what we shouldn’t have done 

and everything that we’ve done wrong 

The only thing we put at risk; ourselves. 

Sitting there, he signs his whole life away

Barely disgruntled, but in constant dismay

Wanting to sleep and nothing else for days

There’s nothing here that’s left to chase – 

Maybe distractions,

maybe a grave, 

Another helpless life to save –

But he concludes, 

Your problems are your own 

They shouldn’t burden anybody else’s home

The brain’s a war machine, destroying everything in its path 

The more he thinks, the more he wants to take a napalm bath.